when my seritonin's low and i am communicating with my friends. they say my life is alright and they don't see any reason they should pity me. i need to find a way to say my life's hard, but i never seem to get that conversation started, so i want to have a heart attack. i would suddenly collapse everyone stops in their tracks to talk about me. i want cancer in my bones, i wouldn't be so alone. my friends would call on the phone to listen to me. when i ask acquaintances how they're doing these days, they'll say "oh you know, whatever, it's all pretty much the same." then when it's my turn and they ask how everything is, i'll say "actually, i've only got fourteen days left to live." i wanna case of the aids, i could come down with the plague. maybe everyone would say they think about me. share fatal diseases with my favorite celebrities. be known as a hero, start my own charity. i wouldn't have to justify my life to my family. instead i'd hassle them about their dysfunctional genes. if i liked a girl but she just wanted to be friends, i wouldn't blame hygiene or ugliness, probably instead i'd just figure that she likely didn't want a boyfriend who'd soon be dead. i wanna die from the drugs, they'd all think i was smart: a tortured genius who produced pieces of brilliant art. or maybe i could just alienate everyone i know. i wouldn't die but it could be worse i suppose.
i want someone to explain to me how it is that kittens got to be such big starts. from what i've seen from their photographs, they're poses lack artistry and aren't very hard. it's just more proof that this generation has poor taste. because any fool can see that kittens really aren't that great. their work is unoriginal baby mice have been doing it for millions of years. it's a fact: they're lacking in talent. they're just big cause their friends all work for the internet. probably partially jealousy creates my hate. still it's objectively true that kittens really aren't that great. there are so many other adorable furry things. i read about it on the screen. although they may not have the budget of feline families. they are far more genuiney.
you wanna be through with whatever you're used to. scientists say it hurts the brain to do the same thing every day. you wanna be free to spend your life visiting. you can impress your friends by leaving right after you have met them. but one of these days you might want to get some real sleep. i'm talking not just a few hours but whole days or even weeks. but if it's too comfortable it may be you'll never want to leave. you'll just laze around watching judge shows spending all your cash on eating until you wanna live life as though you're about to die. go and choose whatever adventure you've been told you want to try. you wanna be free to spend your days skydiving. when you are dead you don't want to regret not following your dreams. but if your parachute fails to expand then you'll just die, after a moment realizing the truth in your personal lie. and you'll think "why did i glorify thinking that i'd soon be dead? it actually is pretty terrifying, now that it is happening."
when i go out at night i try to make jokes. try to be quick with syntactic tricks. if i get started, then soon i'm the star of the party. and that's when they say "i hear you race. is it true you're in one thousand fifth place? on second thought maybe this party is not all that." when i go out i like to talk about religion, it gets very profound. debate the nature of sin, thoughtful strokes on the chin soon theirs meaning in every sound. and that's when they say "i hear you race. my friend or relative's in nineteenth place. you should watch him play maybe you could learn a thing or two." when i go out i like to race space ships, my friends all say i'm good. but due to corporate schemes and my lack of a team i don't win as often as i could. but here i am buckled up, feeling frightened. while thousands of eyes are looking for enlightenment. try not to faint as i wait for the countdown to start. when i race i'm plagued by visions of my life, concentrate on arrow signs and streams of light. try to hide expectations and memories thought this moment's in all of my dreams. ignore the prospect of failure, ignore the things that i love. ignore the chance that i'll pull it off and become number one. i say i race 'cause i like it, though i'm trying not to feel. later on i'll realize it was real.
i attack disaster spin the engine faster, i am eager to stop having fun. feeling compelled i drive down violent highways, i'm expecting an explanation. tell me why i'm assigned to drive in a straight line. risking my life and time does this really save anyone? it gets exhausting, but i've driven too far to give up. black limousines brimming with methods of death it is clear they're here to murder me. the road i hurry down is lined with signs of defeat. when i was young i was told i could be successful if i set my sights and drove all day and night. but now i am older and i'm used to failure every other car wants me to die. tell me why i'm assigned to drive in a straight line. risking my life and time does this really save anyone. though i dream of endings since i've never been there, i'm driven by imagination. what if this victory that i'm chasing after ends up as no ending at all? and when i get there there's just more enemies to assault. but what could i do if i knew that that was true would any other route lead to a stop? maybe my only hope for conclusion is to turn off.
my enemies are planning my defeat. though they're not near i can hear them conspiring against me. though they say that it's all madness that this tension's just in my head. i know when i see the truth. so i spring into action quick and vicious subtraction. everybody that i see blinks away when i touch them. i avoid being sober. i find it helps me focus. if later i'm confronted. i can say i've forgotten. my enemies are ridiculing me. whisper their lies to my allies through the seams in their teeth. i can hear them in my mind laughing about the end of my life. i need a way to find peace. and so i murder evil everyone gets the knife still i hope some survive to go out and tell their people: "we should have never doubted. now that he's on he'll slaughter us all. now that he's on we'll all be off." jumping and throwing daggers soon the whole stage is clear. cleaned out of all the motion. rapid and bright commotion. and here i am again. i've killed them all, and now it's just me. i've killed them all now i'm all alone.
Everyone that i see they act like they're indifferent as though they're too someone to be anyone that I know. Everyone that I know I know because your fingers elicited sensations in me. But then that's not unique You're the one that I need you wake me up from my dull and otherwise meaningless dreams about numbers & schemes. But you know you're the one you know all of my secret phrases you're always there for me 5 days out of the week. You make my heart go beep, beep, beep. I get so hot i have to sleep. You know it is true that I'm waiting for you. If you wanted to set me free, I'd run back and be at your feet and then you would see that you are the 1.14me. Do you like what you see I hope you do because there is no other version of me I am very unique. Do you like what you see do you like it when I attach my eyes to your glowing screen. As I'm touching your keys. It is not you or me it's we turning data into beauty. The sequence is right for connecting tonight. Maybe one day the world will see our romantic dependency and then they'll agree that you are the 1.14me
I want an assassin I want an assassination of all of creation I have a fascination with assassination it is one of my favorite things. So don't you go and start blaming it all on the tots can't you see that they are dripping with cheddar sauce? And they are always in front of us for just a couple bucks. I know that you and I don't always agree: you wanted coffee and I wanted tea. You wanted hashbrowns, I want sausage You wanted fries, I wanted pie, you wanted eggplant, I want pastrami, you wanted happiness and I wanted pain, you wanted to get everyone all dressed up and really excited and then I never came. I'm alive, I'm electrified and I'm covered with rocks and smoke and while everybody is afraid of me I know some of them have some small degree of hope. I'm alive I'm on fire and I want to kill almost everyone. And while everybody is afraid of me, I'm a little afraid myself.
Hey guys! C'mere! Let me tell you 'bout me trying to be the best I could be. I was in a fuzzy relationship and my body was all I could see. So I turned and looked and thought about myself. How could I be curvier or thin? I didn't know where to begin. So I had a physician examine my body and I went on a daytime television show. But the trip to Vegas really cleared my thoughts. I didn't want what I wanted enough! I needed to love myself not just lust. Now I'm not afraid to admit to me I believe I'm in love with my body! I could shout it out on every street, everyone I'm in love with my body! I'd be featured on every big screen: News Flash! I'm in love with my body! Tell the whole world what they wanted to see, smell me now I'm in love with my body! Call my brother he'd stop smoking that weed, rehabbed I'm in love with my body! Call my sister she's break up with that dweeb, such a force I'm in love with my body! Call my dad he'd be very proud of me, what a son he's in love with his body! Call my mom she'd be so very relieved, praise the lord he's in love with his body!
When I am all lounging around in the tub, I'm dreaming of hedge fund investors in love. Their babies are feeding on organic blood, while ours are all growing in test tubes and other kinds of stuff, I say... When I think I'm in love with you I want to talk to you and those sorts of things. I think that winking while usually out of the question maybe ok in an erotic way, I say... My heart is all fluttery, I'm not sure what I should do and now she's touching me, I don't know where to how to what I should do, oh my I'm getting so excitable, I'm going to... When I see you in that oversized sweater I want to fuck you and marry you in it we will live comfortably in wool- fashioned love. When I am at the beach, I feel like I'll die. The sand, water, and sky are very bright, I don't know how to say how this hurts my eyes, but it hurts a lot. Though I need romance, and I need love, you're barely worth my bad luck. I'm so confused, I am starting to feel used by you.
When I am not with you I feel crazy. Visions of you seeing other guys. So if you forget to call me baby. Baby I'll stab out both of your eyes. Cut off all your pretty toes and stick them in your broken nose I'll burn the parts that make you hot and feed them to the dogs we bought I just feel so much passion, wanting to be with you all the time. They say everyone will put up a fight arresting with me, it won't let you be a little better than you were in the night. You'll finally feel clean without complicating things. And I'll feel right if - Mr. Jones please - I won't let you if you don't get down on your knees and feel my shirt. It's incredible! Don't forget to hold my hand in public. Say you'll have to ask your boyfriend first. And if you suggest that I am ugly, you'll have a face of lye for your desert. Make my lunch before you leave, the toilet better be real clean, I'll beat you till you cannot scream because you can just barely breathe. It's all standard procedure, because I am so in love with you.
In the atmosphere, jumping, spinning things, I'm not sure I ever wanted to see them. Blitzing linebacker, Quarterback drops back, never had a chance, the hometeam wins again. I wanna go back and act like I've an established way to be on track. I'll act like I'm in a car. The world goes by fast. And I am safe it is quiet and it is all black. I swear I'm not going far. Like a slutty girl, or a studly man, I'll do everything that my body can stand. It's exciting me, my brain breaks apart, I want it to end, so I guess I should start. I wanna go back and throw these wishes for apathy into the trash or wherever it is dark. It's not such a blast when time machines break down suddenly and you're in the past. And you can't find any spare parts. And though I want to go back to anywhere that I've been before. Then I will want to go back to where I have just been. And so I think that going backwards is a lot like going the other way. Maybe I should stay still just like when I was asleep. I am sleepy. I will drive home. I won't die 'till I fall asleep. Peacefully bedroom. Nobody else. Drool on pillow, sleep with myself.
My favorite blue collared worker is the mail man in the springtime. Delivering notes and friendly greetings while the day warms up. My least favorite white collared worker is the bank teller when I'm broke. Explaining to me so carefully why I can't spend more than I have earned. When I see intelligent headlights inspect my window. I'll decide to turn magnetic. And pretend that yellow is uglier when with headaches. I'll decide to be my best friend. My least favorite green collared worker is the soldier in my city. Separating men from screaming women, while I try to hide. My favorite collared animal is a new pup on its first walk. Stubbornly staying as stationary as it's tiny body can demand.
Where is the thing that I'm trying to find? It was just right in front of my eyes. It's that thing that I want that everybody's got. I'll be happy if I can find that thing again. It's the thing that I need for today? I told you it's the one thing I cannot lose and now it seems it's gone away. It's the thing I desire. It sets my brain on fire. Wondering where it's gone. It was when I was walking I put it around or maybe it's... not over - no it is - wasn't it just a second, I - know I will find it because part of it is inside of me. I can see it it's the thing. Turn it on, turn it off. It's gets brighter when it is asleep. When it's dark it's so tiny to see. Just wait it is so unbelievable when you finally receive the whole something. And then you will think that it's true. That all that I wanted was to entice you towards the thing. It is one it and me. Try to be happy, it goes With me when I am alone, with all of the nothings I - One thing for me and then I will be alone, and yet with my favorite thing I'll feel like I am with everything. And just that one thing.
Now I can see darkness for free. Out in the country in 1903. Where I can finally sleep. Gently approach relief. Jumble together some phony apologies. But if you laid your body next to mine then we could give each other small injections. And while our blood is being compromised, we'll wait and be still. And when the drugs have blotted up our minds, then we can struggle with some new connections. As we try to stay alive I might look into your eyes and say I remember 1903, when your family came and you visited Lockshaw. And I told you then you look so pretty. I should take you out into the city. We could share some drinks, invade a party. And make fun of all the squares. But it stopped being fun when your father took his gun and he tried to murder all of the livestock. And I felt so much pain, when it finally went away, you were waving from a departing train. So as we die. I wonder why what if your transport had somehow gone awry? And you would lay your body next to me and we would wrestle towards tired sensations. Quietly signifying our belief in cooperation. And we would press each other all the time. Until all we felt was pure devotion. And when it was time to leave it would come with gritted teeth, vitriolic letter T's till we finally were free. And then we would make all of our friends go to the neutral zone at London Heathrow. We'd visit all the duty-free shops. Laughing about how the buck stops.